


Yes, Tom - Chapter 17

by riddlemetitillatedhiddles (ninecats)



Series: Yes, Tom [18]
Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: Breathplay, Dom/sub, F/M, Rough Sex, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-09
Updated: 2012-12-09
Packaged: 2017-11-20 16:36:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/587482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninecats/pseuds/riddlemetitillatedhiddles





	Yes, Tom - Chapter 17

 

 

I sat down with my mom, finally getting her to stop screaming long enough to talk. "Mom, you always said that you'd support my choices and love me unconditionally, did you mean that?"

"Not to be in an abusive relationship! Oh god, honey I know it's hard but…" She had that 'victim's advocate' voice. I buried my face in my hands.

"Mom, it's not abusive, it's _consensual_."

"What did you say?" I looked up at her, taking her hands and taking a deep breath.

"I said, it's consensual. I… I like it this way. I _choose_ for it to be this way."

"What does that mean? How can you choose to be abused?" Her voice began to get louder and I looked down at my feet, wondering what I could say to make her understand.

"I'm not abused, I'm… Oh god, Mom I don't want to have to explain this to you." I began to cry. I wished Tom were there even though I knew that would make it a million times worse.

"You'd better explain it or I'm calling the cops."

"You can't call the cops. It's not abuse. _You have to know what I'm talking about._ " I stared at her, begging her not to make me say it. I softened my voice to barely above a whisper. "You're not naive, you know what I mean."

"Ellie…" She hung her head and rubbed her brow. "Oh, Ellie…"

"Mom, it's not what you think. Really. I'm happy. I… feel fulfilled. It gives me something I've always felt was missing…" My leg began to shake and my stomach clenched. 

"Is this my fault? Is this because you didn't have a father?" She looked so disappointed. I was crushed.

"I- I don't know why. I don't really care. It's not a bad thing. I'm happy. I feel… complete. I can't explain it. It's like… I don't know… But it's not like I'm defective or something, I just…"

"Oh god, I'm sorry honey. Of course _you_ aren't defective…"

"Tom isn't defective either! And you can't say anything. Nobody can know, you have to understand. Please. He's a good person and he loves me. Our preferences emotionally and sexually don't make us bad people…" 

She looked like she had been shot. I don't think it had dawned on her that she could be just as prejudiced as some people had been to her for being gay. "I'm sorry, Ellie. I just… I can't… It's just hard to think of you being… _hurt. By a man_."

"He offered to… well, give it up. _I_ said no. I like it this way. It gives me something I've never had. Maybe not forever, but for now, it makes us closer and our love stronger."

"Love? Honey, you've only dated for a couple months…"

"Mom how long did you know Lena before you moved in together?" I knew it was less than a month. 

"Honey, that's different."

"Why? Because you're lesbians or because you're my mom? Mom… please, just trust that you've raised me to be smart enough and capable enough to know how to choose my own life path." She hugged me close and rocked me just a little.

"You have to promise you won't let this thing get out of hand… honey, please." She looked at me, tears falling down her cheeks and I just felt terrible. 

"Okay, fine. Promise me you aren't going to treat Tom like he's some abusive asshole." 

"Ellie…" She kept shaking her head, like I had just told her I had cancer or something. Like she was thinking of a way to cure it. Or worse, thinking of 'where she had gone wrong'. 

"Mom, I love him. I love our… _dynamic_. You need to accept it. I don't want him to even know you know. Okay?"

"Okay, Ellie, I'll try, but… this just gives me a bad feeling. Oh my god…" She reached up and touched the padlock around my neck. "Oh god, Ellie, really?"

"Mom," I pushed her hand away and readjusted the lock so it was perfectly straight. "Mom, I'm happy. If you want me to I will go into detail but I really wish you wouldn't make me."

"Honey, it's not the sex that bothers me. I've always taught you that your body is yours, and that nobody should tell you what you can do with it but you. But the other stuff… I mean rules, and saying 'sir' and all of that, I just can't reconcile that with the brilliant, independent girl I raised. I want you to have self-esteem and this makes me feel like you don't at all. And that seems like it's somehow my fault."

"This isn't about you…" I looked down, feeling completely ashamed. I felt like I failed my mother somehow. Burying my face in my hands I began to sob. "Please stop making me feel bad. This is why I could never tell you. I _do_ have self-esteem… as much as anyone else. I mean, if anything Tom's is worse than mine. I just.. I don't have the right answers and I feel like…" My body was heaving with emotion and I could barely speak. Everything was so beyond okay. I had only just begun to accept our life in my own mind. I didn't know what to do. I needed Tom and I couldn't even tell him.

She hugged me, and I tried to breathe. "I'm sorry, honey. I didn't mean to make you so upset. I just want you to be strong…"

"I am strong! Please, you have to understand. I'm not weak. This is not weakness. This is a different kind of strength…"

She sighed softly, shaking her head and wiping my tears off my cheeks. "Okay, Ellie. I love you. I'm your mother, though. I can't help it that I'm worried. I am trying to respect your choices, but… this is a lot."

"Mom, I love you. I have to go. Can you please ask Lena to drive me?"

She looked miserable, but I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't take the guilt of her making me feel like I was a failure. That I had somehow betrayed my upbringing or something. She went and talked to Lena for a few minutes before we left.

In the car, I didn't say much. Lena tried to be supportive. "Ellie, I love you sweetie. I'll try to talk to your mom, okay? But to be honest, this is a little hard for me, too."

"It's just… it's not such a huge deal. It's like playacting, only we… take it really seriously."

"Well, it's playacting that comes with a lot of rules… almost all of which seem to be for you and not for him."

"I know… I know it seems weird. But he's not mean or a bad person. And I like it this way. I'm sorry. I can't help who I am…" I was so defensive by this point and I looked down, frustrated.

"Oh Ellie…" She grabbed my hand and squeezed it lightly. "You need to do what makes you happy, we understand that."

"I knew she'd be upset, but I didn't think she'd think I was a failure." Tears began to flow again as I buried my face in my hands.

"Sweetie, she doesn't… she'll come around. She's just worried. She's a pro-sex feminist, you know that. It's just… this is hard for her. You're her baby girl." 

"I just don't want her to hate Tom." I sighed. We still had another day and a half in Madison. "And I don't want him to know."

"Don't worry, okay? Tom seems like a nice guy. And your mom said you're just as committed to it, if not more so. Is that true? That he offered to give it up?"

"Yes, he did. But I don't want to. Not now anyway. I don't want to." 

She nodded, smiling, but her brows were still furrowed. "Try not to worry honey. I'll talk to her." 

As we pulled up to the hotel I had a million things running through my head. Lena and I hugged and I watched her pull away. Just as I was about to walk into the hotel, my phone rang. Thinking it was Tom, I automatically answered, not even bothering to look at the number.

It was Michael.

"Ellie?" I immediately looked down at the phone, realizing my mistake and realizing what a fucking disaster this was.

"Oh god, Michael. I thought you were Tom…" _Fuck._

"Ellie I just want to see you. Before you left for England I thought we were working stuff out. And then you just disappeared. I still love you, you have to know that…" He was talking a mile a minute.

"Michael, we'd been broken up for _4 months_ when I left. I never told you I wanted to get back together."

"But you said that you might feel differently if I changed some stuff and…"

"Oh my god…" I muttered, shaking my head. "Michael, it's over. I'm sorry. I'm in love with Tom. I need you to… stop trying to contact me."

"Fuck you. You don't have to be so condescending just because you're dating some fucking movie star. He's not that fucking great, don't act like you're better than me."He sounded so hurt, so desperate to hurt me, too.

"Michael…"

'I'm sorry…" His voice quieted and I could tell he felt bad. I just couldn't deal with this right now. "I just… I thought… I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I offered. I didn't want to hurt him, really. I wanted him to be happy. "But really, you know we don't work. Michael, you know it's true…." There was silence on the other end, but I could hear him sigh softly. "I have to go, Michael. I love Tom. I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you."

"Okay. I'm sorry for calling."

"It's okay. I wish you the best, I really do." 

He didn't say anything, he just hung up. I put the phone in my pocket and went inside.

 

****

 

When I got upstairs, Tom was watching a movie on TV.  As soon as he looked up, he knew something was wrong. "What's the matter?"

I tried to be strong. I really didn't want him to know. But I fell apart the second he asked me. I began to sob. He ran over, taking me in his arms and I just collapsed. "Darling what's wrong? Please, tell me."

I was so upset, everything just came tumbling out, my sobs melting into my words. "Tom… m-my mom, she heard me and then she saw my legs and…" He stared at me for a moment, all the color draining from his face, his mouth slightly open. "I'm sorry I didn't… I didn't know what to do. I had to tell her something she said she'd call the cops and then…"

"How… but I don't understand…" He dropped his head, taking a few breaths to calm himself. Then he looked into my eyes, smiling a tiny smile to reassure me. "It's okay, darling. Calm down. Come sit down. It's okay, just take a breath and tell me everything."

Tom helped me remove my coat, and I sat down and explained what had happened. "I'm so sorry, I can't believe I let this happen."

He ran his fingers through his hair, licking his lips and shaking his head. "Elizabeth, this is a complete nightmare, but it's not your fault." He pulled me onto his lap so I was straddling him and he held me close. I was so terrified he would be angry, but he didn't even get upset. I couldn't believe it, but I should have known. "I love you darling, it'll be okay."

"I'm so sorry…" He reached up and laid his finger on my lips, hushing me and gazing into my eyes. 

"It's not your fault. Okay? Yes, we should have been more careful, but what's done is done. Okay?" I nodded my assent, so grateful for his reassurances. He always made everything better. "So you told her… "

"Sort of. I mean, not in detail, but she's not stupid. And she figured out what my necklace was for, and… " I could tell. He was trying so hard not to freak out, not to yell or get mad. I felt awful. And yet I felt so lucky to have this… To have… _him_.

"I don't know… Elizabeth… " He kissed me, tenderly, and I just melted into him. I didn't know what to do, but whenever I was with Tom, everything made sense. I felt safe. I felt secure. I felt… whole. "I love you, you know that."

Just the look on his face though. He seemed, uncertain. I decided to make sure. "Are you having second thoughts?" I wasn't. I was more determined, more sure than I had ever been. "I mean, I understand if…" 

Our eyes met, and for a moment I felt like the entire world stopped. He didn't even blink, just shook his head no, his thumb tracing the outline of my padlock. "Are you?" I kissed him and slowly and emphatically shook my head no. "That should be all that matters, shouldn't it?"

"Yes," Exhaling slowly, I smiled and nodded. My hands found his shoulders and I brushed my lips against his cheek, down along his unshaven jawline, his beard scraping my soft skin. He reached up to the nape of my neck, massaging softly, his eyelids weighted with arousal. I bit my lip coyly, adjusting my hips a little. Groaning softly, he grabbed a handful of hair, jerking my head back, and I yelped.

"Yes what, darling?" His lips on my ear, his tongue now on my earlobe, and I shivered, my body so at home underneath his hand, acquiescent and stronger at once.

"Yes, sir…" I whimpered.

"Elizabeth… you're my everything. I've never felt this way. I love you so much." Tugging harder on my hair, he curled his other hand around my back and ran his fingers between my legs. "Jesus I can feel how wet you are already, so hot…" He pulled me towards him, kissing me ardently, just extracting all my fears, all my uneasiness, just with his touch. He was fully erect, his cock pressing up against me, the only barrier his boxer shorts. 

"Lie back," I breathed, then added, "Sir…" My lips pressed against his, our mouths together, he obeyed me. Lifting myself up onto my knees, I reached underneath and pulled his shorts down. I moved my panties to the side and placed his cock at my entrance. I lowered myself onto him quickly, unwaveringly, ignoring the discomfort. All I wanted in the world at that moment was for him to be inside of me. I needed the succor of his body against mine. I knew it would be quick, messy. I didn't care. His pleasure was my release.

Tom gripped me around the waist, guiding my movements as he thrusted upward. I met each one, grinding against him, our bodies surging together. "Lean forward, sweetheart," he implored, and I did, his fingers seizing my throat. "Hands behind your back."  Squeezing slowly but consistently, his hands gripped my neck until I was struggling to breathe. "Keep your eyes on mine…"

I did. And as his climax grabbed him, cock jutting into me, he tightened his grip once more, forcing every muscle in my body to contract. The darkness seeped into my eyes from the outside in, little pinpricks of light against the backs of my lids as I hovered just above unconsciousness. "Fuck, _Elizabeth_ …" With a groan and a spasm he was finished, his fingers releasing. He sat up, frantically, holding me, his mouth against my neck. "Oh god, oh god, Elizabeth… I love you so much."

My voice shaky, but my mind unwavering. "I love you too, Tom. I'd do anything for you."

 

 ****

  

The next day, we were supposed to meet my moms for dinner again. Tom and I talked it out, and after clearing it with my mom and Lena, we decided that he would sit down and talk to my mom, alone. I was incredibly nervous. Before we left, Tom punished me for the previous day's broken rules, a simple spanking. Spankings though, just pure, over the knee, hand spankings, were my favorite. They just were so sexual. Well, in all honesty it wasn't just a simple spanking. It was a simple spanking and really great sex. We were both insatiable. It was like some kind of whirlpool of desire when we were together. Everything just fit perfectly. Every touch magnified, every breath, every movement, every moan was perfection. 

 

****

 

After stopping to get some wine, we finally arrived at my mom's. I stayed in the living room with Lena while Tom and my mother talked in the kitchen. Lena tried to calm me down, but with little success. "It'll be okay, sweetheart, really."

I could barely speak. My brows furrowed, I simply looked at her, tears in my eyes. Finally, I just told her, "I don't know. I don't know about this."

Lena hugged me and kissed my cheek, looping an errant hair around my ear. "I talked to her. I think it will be okay. Just that Tom was willing to do this, honey, it meant a lot to your mom. Okay? I don't think she expected it."

I nodded, my leg shaking, keeping an eye on the kitchen. I didn't hear yelling, so hopefully that was good. I wanted a glass of wine, but I had forgotten to ask. 

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course," I looked over at Lena, hoping it wouldn't be too personal.

"What kind of rules are they?"

I swallowed nervously, then sighing, my breath trembling. "Well, they're mostly things like 'be respectful'." I didn't elaborate, I just wanted to give her something broad and hope it was enough.

"Okay…" She seemed like she wanted to ask something else but I didn't think I could do it. It was already making me nauseated.

"I'm sorry. Can we please not talk about it? It's personal. Like between us only." I never thought our rules would be shared with anyone else. I didn't want them to be. "It's… I don't want to say sacred, but it's special."

"Okay, sweetie, I apologize. I didn't think of it that way."

"It's okay, I understand. I just… can't." Finally my mom and Tom came out. They didn't _look_ upset. Exhaling audibly, I got up and went over to Tom, taking his hand and looking anxiously back and forth between him and my mother.

"It's okay, darling." Tom leaned down and kissed me. "Your mother is just worried about you. Okay?" 

"Ellie, you know I love you very much. I… just am worried. Tom obviously loves you." She smiled, but it seemed rather sad, maybe bittersweet. "Why don't we go out for dinner, okay?" I smiled, happy it appeared to be behind us, and we all piled into our cars to go eat.

 

****

 

Dinner was not nearly as awkward as I had expected. My mom seemed to be accepting things a little more, and of course we didn't do anything around her that might make her uncomfortable. Tom let me have a glass of wine, which helped me relax a little more. Lena and Tom still got along famously, talking about rugby now. I was so relieved, so content. I just couldn't believe that everything had turned out okay. I should have known it would never be so easy. 

In the parking lot, saying our goodbyes, I hugged Lena and then hugged my mom. "I'm trying, Ellie, okay? This is hard for me. For a lot of reasons, honey."

"I know. I'm sorry. I don't want you to be upset. I just… I have to do what makes me happy." I looked down, still feeling guilty for being… something different than what my mom wanted.

"It's okay. You should. You should be the person you are. And Tom… I trust him. As much as I can in this situation. Okay?"

Those words… I broke out in a huge grin and hugged her. I was joyful. "I couldn't ask for anything else, Mom. Thank you. I love you so much."

"I love you, too. Don't forget." 

"I won't." 

She kissed me on the cheek and waved at Tom. He opened the car door for me, and just as I was about to get in, my mom yelled to me, "Michael called here. Did he reach you?"

All the air left my lungs, and my stomach dropped to my feet. It was like suddenly everything was ruined. "Umm…"

"Well he said you texted him back but then wouldn't answer the phone when he tried to call. Did you tell him you have a boyfriend? He won't get the hint if you don't."

"Yeah, I told him." I didn't even look up. I couldn't. I just knew. I didn't have to see his face. I knew.

"Okay. I love you honey, see you tomorrow before you leave." They waved and got in there car as I stood there. I felt as if I was on a precipice. Tunnel-vision. Vertigo.

Tom didn't speak. I got in the car and he closed my door, then got in the driver's side and started the car. I didn't know what to do. How could I have been so stupid. Why didn't I just tell him? He would have been upset, but I wouldn't have lied or… _betrayed him_. Sitting there, I shook. And I began to cry. 

It wasn't far to the hotel, and Tom didn't speak. Didn't look at me. He wasn't there. I didn't know what to do. I was so scared. I wasn't scared of being hurt, I was scared I had just ruined my relationship. We got to the hotel and parked. Tom opened my door for me, but he still didn't speak. He wouldn't even look at me. We got into the elevator and I had to try. "Tom?"

No reaction. He stared straight ahead, ignoring me completely. I started to prepare myself. I wanted him to hit me. I wanted him to give me that satisfaction. To be able to pay him for my mistakes with suffering. As he opened the room door, I walked inside, silently praying he would grab me and beat me until I passed out. But he didn't. He breezed past me and went into the bathroom. Taking my coat and shoes off, I could hear the sounds of his nightly rituals. The water running, brushing his teeth, the toilet flushing. Then I heard a loud thud. I didn't know what it was, so I ran to the bathroom. He opened up the door and I could see his fist was bleeding.  "Oh my god, Tom, are you okay?" I tried to look at it, tried to take his hand and look at the injuries, but he snatched it away. Pushing past me without a word, he went and sat on the edge of the bed, setting his alarm like normal. Everything he would do on any night, just as if I weren't there.

I walked to the bed, standing in front of him. "Tom, please talk to me… please." He didn't even look up. I tried to touch his hand again.

"Stop."

"Are you just going to ignore me forever? Refuse to even speak to me?"

"I don't have to forever. Only for a day." I began to cry, my chest heaving, lungs refusing to work.

"You can't really…" I tried to take his hand again, and he grabbed my wrist, twisting it slightly. "Oww…" He released my hand, and I pleaded with him. "Please, talk to me. Please. I didn't do anything. Please."

He laughed. "You didn't do anything? Fantastic, Elizabeth. Wonderful for you."

"Stop it, please don't do this. He texted me, what was I supposed to do?"

" _Tell me about it_. What the fuck do you think? I don't give a fuck about some stupid list of rules but I do give a fuck about you lying to me! You lied to me!" His face was contorted, a mass of rage and misery. I just wanted to comfort him. I just wanted everything back to the way it was. And I didn't know what to do.

Tears streaming down my face I stood, begging him. "I'm sorry. I didn't… it's not… I just told him I loved you. That's all. And I thought you'd get upset. So I didn't…"

"Oh that's rich. So it's my fault? You lie to me and it's my bloody fault? You're fucking daft, you know that? Fuck you. Unbelievable."

"I'm so sorry… Tom, I'm so sorry." 

"What else did you lie about?" He stood up, towering over me, and I backed up a little. He moved with me. "I said…" Staring at me, his eyes cold and dark, he yelled, " _What else did you lie about?_ "

"Nothing, I swear. I texted him back and told him I had a boyfriend. And then when he called I answered, thinking it was you. I just forgot to look at the number."

"Show me the texts." He went and got my purse, looking for my phone. "Show me."

"I deleted them."

My phone in his hand, he turned around slowly. "You deleted them?" 

"I'm sorry… please…" He threw the phone at the wall, and I ran up to him. "Please, just, please… something. Do something. Just… punish me, something Tom I can't take it. Please!" 

"Punish you? Are you fucking kidding me? This isn't some stupid rule. This is you breaking my fucking heart!"

"Please… Tom, please I love you." I tried to touch him.

"Get away from me." He pushed me lightly, inching past me and getting into bed. "You can either go to your mother's or you can sleep on the floor. You aren't sleeping next to me."

Reaching out, I grabbed his arm, "Please don't do this, please."

"You don't get it, Elizabeth! _You fucking lied to me_. Now I don't know if anything you've said is true or not. I trusted you! You spent so much time convincing me to trust you. And then you do this? It doesn't matter if you did anything else. _You lied_. About your ex! How am I supposed to trust you now? Well?"

"I didn't…" I sobbed, choking, unable to think. I was almost hyperventilating, I couldn't breathe and my voice stopped working. My entire world was falling apart over something so meaningless. I didn't know how I was ever supposed to make it right.


End file.
